Welcome to your jungle

You can find John on New Play Exchange @john-patrick-bray and on Facebook @jpdplaywright

“The jumping spider” by David Fairchild and Marian Fairchild (1914)

Characters:

Amanda Leads, 20s-30s, roommate to Buster, Amanda’s lifelong friend

Buster Joint, 20s-30s, roommate to Amanda, Buster’s lifelong friend

Note: These two love each other; it does not have to be romantic. It could be. But it

doesn’t have to be.

Setting:

Rooftop of a building in a small, decaying city in Generic America (Generica)

(At rise. We find ourselves on a rooftop of an apartment building. This should be evident by decaying bricks, patches of tar roof (if possible), and the sounds of a depressed city below – whatever that means to you. There are trees, planted in a manner that could only be described as half-assed. There are what appear to be golden webs around the trees. There are a few jars of sand, and a small kiddie pool with a small plant inside. Every once in a while, something rustles in the trees. There is a door upstage which probably leads to the stairway to this truly sad display of architectural neglect. The door opens. AMANDA LEADS enters. Her eyes are covered by BUSTER JOINT.)

BUSTER

Okay, now just slow...

AMANDA

We’re on the roof. I know we’re on the roof.

BUSTER

Yes, just slow.

AMANDA

If you’re going to murder me, I’d rather you like, you know...don’t murder me.

BUSTER

I’m about to kill you with kindness. I’m removing my hands, but keep your eyes closed.

(He does. She does. He removes a pair of

binoculars from his pocket. They’re small

and silver and black.)

Now, hold out your hands.

(She does. He smiles real glad-like and puts

the binoculars in her hands. She reacts. She

moves them around in her hands.)

AMANDA

Are these lenses?

BUSTER

Yes! Don’t smudge them.

AMANDA

Okay.

BUSTER

You can open your eyes.

(She does. She takes in the trees.)

AMANDA

What.... what is all this?

BUSTER

Welcome to the jungle!

(He pushes a little button, and a song such as

Guns ‘n Roses “Welcome to the Jungle”

starts to play – a song such as, we say,

because of copyright.)

AMANDA

Yo! Cut it!

BUSTER

Don’t you get it?! IT’S YOUR JUNGLE! Your world!

AMANDA

Oh.

(He dances a little. She still seems puzzled.

He looks at her and turns off the music.)

BUSTER

Do you remember?

AMANDA

Uh. No.

BUSTER

Come on, when we were kids, we were all into Dora the Explorer and Indiana Jones. Anywhere with a jungle, you said.

AMANDA

When did I say that?

BUSTER

When we were kids!

AMANDA

Huh. I don’t remember. This is very nice, but I don’t remember.

BUSTER

Then I’ll just have to remind you!

AMANDA

Okay?

BUSTER

Come on! Look through your binoculars. Take a look in the trees.

AMANDA

...bugs?

BUSTER

The most exotic bugs I could find. I ordered a whole set of the Belostomatidae.

AMANDA

...the what?

BUSTER

Giant Peruvian water bugs.

AMANDA

...giant water bugs? Where’s the water?

(BUSTER points to the kiddie pool.

AMANDA does not go near it.)

BUSTER

Oh. I also bought 300 Joro Spiders from a dealer in Japan. Look at their webs!

(She gets closer.)

No, no, through your binoculars!

(She looks at him. She looks through the

binoculars.)

AMANDA

ACK! What the Hell??

BUSTER

Joros!

AMANDA

They’re frigging HUGE! GOD, I don’t want to see them that close.

BUSTER

I know, right?!!

AMANDA

Please, for the love of God, Buster Joint...don’t tell me you introduced non-native insects into our city.

BUSTER

Look at this place, Mandy Leads. They won’t get far. Unless they catch the wind, in which case, eh. This place becomes a little more exotic.

AMANDA

They’re enormous! Like enormous silk spiders!

BUSTER

See! Their webs are golden and are as tough as dental floss.

AMANDA

Oh my God! WHY?!!

BUSTER

Because you deserve the best.

AMANDA

The best invasive species that money can buy???

BUSTER

There you go!

(Beat.)

When we were kids, you wanted to see the world. Go to Africa. South America. The Sahara. Tokyo. Places we used to watch Indiana Jones venture to.

AMANDA

That’s right! We wanted to travel by map!

BUSTER

Yes!

AMANDA

All adventurers travel by map.

BUSTER

And here.

(He removes a roll of red tape from his pocket.)

If you hold this out with me, we can do it.

(He starts the tape on the ground near the trees.)

The Jorors of Japan.

(He makes a line with the tape to the kiddie

pool.)

The Water Bugs of Peru.

(He makes a line with the tape to the sand.)

And the desert.

(He does not tear the tape, or at least tries not

to. If it tears, he can continue.)

AMANDA

So. This is because we could never see the world.

BUSTER

Yes. So, I brought it to you.

AMANDA

Thank you. This is truly...terrifying. OH MY GOD IS THAT THE WATER BUG?!!

BUSTER

Yes!

AMANDA

I really don’t need binoculars for those. Oh my God! Our building is going to be infested!

BUSTER

I mean...isn’t it already?

AMANDA

Okay.

BUSTER

Where do you want to go first?

AMANDA

Home. Downstairs.

BUSTER

Oh.

AMANDA

I love it, Buster. I do. But right now, I think I just...I just want to hold you. This is the most amazing and gross thing anyone has ever done for me.

BUSTER

Thank you. You know I love you.

AMANDA

No one has ever brought me giant invasive roaches before. I love you, too.

(He smiles. She smiles. A tender beat.)

AAGH!!! ONE RAN ACROSS MY FOOT!

BUSTER

SWEET!

(She gives him a look.)

Okay, let’s take this red tape and lead it right to our door. And that way, the world will always be right here.

AMANDA

Right here.

(They smile. He moves the tape, trying not

to tear it (note: if it tears, he can

continue), and makes a line to the door. As

he does so, she holds up the binoculars and

looks at BUSTER. Blackout. End of play.)

About the playwright:

John Patrick Bray's plays include TRACKS (Official Selection: Lanford Wilson New American Play Festival); FRIENDLY'S FIRE (Winner: Appalachian Festival of Plays and Playwrights), TRICKSTER AT THE GATE (written under a grant from The NEA), HOUND (NYC, directed by Rachel Klein), among others. He has been a Semifinalist for both the O’Neill Playwrights Conference and the Princess Grace Foundation Playwriting Award. His plays are published by Next Stage Press, Original Works Publishing, and in several anthologies and journals. PhD, Theatre, LSU; MFA, Playwriting, The New School. John teaches at UGA.